Friday, August 7, 2009

ladies, be an honest wonderbra

I have had three serious relationships, back-to-back within the last eight years; my longest spanning four years in contrast to my ongoing two-year relationship. Being the (naturally) generous lady I am, I had taken the liberty to share certain aspects of my relationships throughout the years with my curious girlfriends.

Sure my boyfriend might be a straight-A's student "Oh, you're so lucky! "; or he might be the tidiest man I have ever seen "Oh, that's so rare!"; and once every so often when shit hits the fan, I'd weave a storm. I would be in a midst of a self-absorbed conversation, reasoning my own frustration on a guy I played footsie with only half-a-day ago, and I would wait for them to tell me that
"a relationship is never always perfect and that it needs hard work; arguments are normal and there will always be temper flares. There is no perfect man. There will
Instead, I got reactions ranging from "why are you putting up with it" to "dump the guy". Sometimes I am left to wonder if my lady friends were just trying to be supportive and polite towards the circumstances of my relationship (but of course they would be!). It took me some time to figure out that they were trying to say what they think I would want them to say. Still with me?

LADIES THIS IS WRONG. If you know her man is better than your friend is making him out to be, don't put him down. Instead, tell your friend to calm down and remind her of all the good in him she has ever told you about. You may want to be a good friend and act like her Wonderbra, but not all good friends need to be blindly bias to the truth. It will lessen your credibility and judgment when your friend eventually comes around to the fact that she got emotional and over-reacted to the situation.

The point is that I am going to tell the truth about relationships to my girlfriends when their shit hits the fan, with fair judgment of their men.

Side note:
For eight years and three men, I learnt this much:

1. If your first argument breaks out, it is an opportunity to know each other better, not an excuse for a break-up. Harden up people, good stuff takes time.

2. If you're in long distance, make every day together count. If it lasts another day, tell you (and your other half) you're doing great. Focus on the present, maybe tomorrow, but mostly today.

3. If you are crying because you did something wrong, yet he is still in a relationship with you when you are spending his money and giving him the nags; stay in it and iron yourself out. Oh and ,whatever you are doing to keep him there, you must be doing it right (and I'll bet my money on it - its the sex). Do not put this good man to waste.

4. If you do not see yourself being with the same man two years from where you are now (and you know this for sure) then be the bearer of bad news and get it over and done with. Respect the man and don't waste his time, or yours for that matter.

5. If you are covered in bruises, call the police or run to parentals. Mom and Dads have plasters, iodine and a first aid kid full of nasty words for your partner. If you have to go back for your stuff - bring a bat, or a dog, or a tazer (not required if the police is present).

3 comments:

said...

this is so true..friends only see what they what to see, they dont know the person as much as i do..

anyway, i wish boyfriend can come back soon to read your posts and the comments you gave to enlighten him. i hope boyfriend would change soon.

said...

2. If you're in long distance, make every day together count. If it lasts another day, tell you (and your other half) you're doing great. Focus on the present, maybe tomorrow, but mostly today.

Yes, yes, yes!

said...

@Ashlinn11: I hope things are going well with you and your other half, since it has been some time since this post.

@- A n g e l -: That coming from an expert in long distance relationship, surely that statement is correct ;)

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